Loving someone and being in a relationship are two completely different things. A relationship requires a lot more than love, it asks for loyalty, trust, friendship, respect, and support. People tend to assume that support means financial support, but it actually takes more than that. For me, personally, the best support is the emotional one, having someone there for you, to help you in any kind of circumstance, to keep you grounded, to protect you, to be there when you fall and when you rise.

Sometimes love suffocates and ignores support, because when you love someone you always try to protect that person too much, and too much protection leads to your lover feeling like she/he is unable to do things on their own. "You should not hang around with that girl, she is not your friend..." "You should not do that, it affects your reputation." bla bla bla. Yes, they are good advices and should be taking into consideration but you need to let the other person think for herself/himself, let them see what its good or not for them because if not eventually they start to feel like they are not good enough, not good enough to make their own decisions, not mature enough to chose their goals, etc.

Constantly telling someone that everything they do should be done in another way is frustrating, telling them that they are not capable of doing certain things doesn't make them grow, it makes them break, shatter, crack...

I have been working with kids a while in a community organisation, when I started my supervisor told me the essential procedures to work with children, and one of the things she told me was that I should always encourage them, boost their confidence, support them in their activities, telling them "well done" "that's a lovely drawing" "good job", all those supportive things, and it actually works. They felt better about themselves, and wanted to be around me all time.

Your lover is your family, treat them like a child, brother sister and support them on anything!

Lunga Izata

March 2013

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