300 first dates

by - 18:59

If you know me you probably know that I have watched every movie in the world and I am obsessed with romantic comedies...I remember watching a movie '50 first dates' about a girl who had a short memory loss caused by a car accident, her memory only lasted 24 hours and every day was a new day for her. Her boyfriend had to make her fall in love with him every day. I was amazed by his commitment and dedication to her. I love hard and I always find myself wishing for a fairy tale.

But I am not here to talk about a fairy tales...not all! I want to tell you guys about a love story that defined my way of loving. I always had a tendency to love weak and broken people for some reason, I fell in love with the most ridiculous people, drug addicts, mental and delusional, delinquent and so on. And it was never about them, it was about me saving them.

I remember this guy I once dated for a while, he was so resentful about life, he taught me that there was no such thing as loving someone who loves you back, he saw love as one sided. Since then, I didn't know love was possible, that's how messed up he left me. He didn't love me and he showed me that every single day. I went through the worst days of my life with him and until today I cry when I think about him but I never gave up, I always found hope in a song or in a movie.

'50 first dates' gave me hope...I guess I had 300 first days with him because during that year we spent together every day I tried to make him fall in love with me. Only at night he treated me kindly maybe because that's when we were intimate and that's the only thing he cared about maybe because at night he would transform into a human being...and when the sun rises he would go back to being cold and loveless. Similar to the movie,  I would watch him fall asleep just like Adam Sandler would watch Drew Barrymore and I would pray that he would love me but my prayers failed every single time. My pain was so deep that I wanted to erase every memory with him and try again every day. Sometimes I would finally give up and still I wanted to lose my memory so I could forgive him or at least forget. His actions showed me that he could never love me but I never complained, I took every insult and scar without a single word because I knew one day he would see me.

I finally gathered the courage to leave him. I saw him a few years after and we didn't say anything. He looked at me and I think he saw me for the first time...and I saw something different in his eyes maybe gratitude or more...love...

Lunga Izata
14th June 2016

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