My name is Thulani...FINAL

(...) He finally looked at me.

Baggage…That’s what he called me. Yali disappeared two months since that day. I concentrated on my transition because I owed that to myself. When you have gone to depression to the point you don't want to exist you feel more powerful than love. Heartbreaking doesn't affect broken people because they already have darker places. At least that’s how I managed to go through with this and move on. 

Every step of this exhausting process was painful, emotionally and physically. I had a new wardrobe, a fresh bear, I constantly covered my boobs with anything I could. I still had a long way to go but I could feel myself fading and soon I would be gone. I needed a high amount of money and I spent nights awake annoyed by my neighbor’s loud music making all sorts of equations to save money.

One day I found a letter in the mailbox, it was from an unknown sender.

“Dear Amaka

I never liked grammar in school but it became a meaningful thing to me. In my own dialect “she/he/her/him” are written the same way “hau/haute” so you can’t differ if you relating to a girl or a boy. It doesn't matter which gender you are because I love you.

But I still can’t find it in my heart to fully accept it and love comes from acceptance. I can’t give you the love you deserve but I can at least give what you deserve.”

In the envelope, there was a cheque.

I don't know the exact date that I was considered to be a man. One day I woke up and went to the bank to deposit the cheque. It was full of people and they were all looking at me trying to figure out and I just didn't care because I was a Yodesan now free and open minded. I went straight to the reception and I said:

 “Hello. My name is Thulani.” 


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